When You Need to Talk to Your Kids about Sex, HIV & Your Positive Status

You might be holding back on having that talk with your kids about sex because you think it’s too early. However I’m here to warn you, you are dealing with a generation that is so advanced that they almost match us. The only thing that separates kids from adults today is the fact that Adults pay the bills and kids don’t.

Studies actually show that Black parents try really hard to avoid “The Talk” and another study shows that 40% of parents have the talk when their teenagers have already started having sex.

If having the talk with your kids seems too scary, break it up into segments. I personally believe the first talk should happen at 12. If your kids know who Nicki Minaj is and if they know exactly who Rihanna is, that means it’s time for the talk.

Talking to your kids is extremely important and informing them about HIV/AIDS and STDs should not be left up to their guidance councilors. Parents it’s time to be responsible. Don’t wait until it’s too late; your child could become the next statistic.

It’s important to talk to your kids because it is extremely important to enlighten them and keep them informed. Knowledge is power. Don’t allow negative influence and peer pressure to get to your kids before you do. When they find themselves in the position they will be better equipped to deal with the situation, whether they decide to have sex or to wait. Knowing the pros and cons before going into any situation whether it be business, school, or work, will help anybody handle themselves better.

What if a parent is HIV Positive or living with AIDS? You are the best person to have this talk with your children. And don’t be afraid to talk to them. They will not judge you; no matter what, you will always be their hero.

One of the best ways to go about this matter is talking with your treatment team, they can advise you on how to do it and when. You might be surprised they might be able to schedule a visit and you can talk to your kids with the help of your treatment team or doctor.

I know it’s easier said than done and this blog is a little shorter than usual, but I just wanted to tell parents that the talk is necessary. My parents never talked to me about sex, even when I asked. Everything I learned was from school, friends and you guessed it, horny boys. So I am urging parents to consider having the talk soon.

Thank You and have a blessed week.

xoxo Lauren

The Importance of Couples Counseling & Yearly Checkups while Married

Relationships are jobs. They take hard work to maintain, whether you’re married or have been together for as long as you can remember. Seeing a therapist and getting routine checkups together once a year will make a big difference in your relationship.

After a while, the truth is after that new phase of the relationship fizzles away men and women look at their partners like they do a routine bus ride to work everyday. Who gets excited about that? Talking to a therapist together could help put issues on the table you didn’t even know existed and iron them out before they become hurdles that neither of you can cross.

Most couples can’t talk to each other and they argue about things. But having a heart to heart conversation and ironing out issues is going to always be a struggle because everyone thinks they’re right. This is why sitting with a professional therapist makes more sense. You might think “we’re fine we don’t need to a therapist”, but therapist don’t just see unhappy people. The idea behind a therapist is having someone who has to listen to you and in that situation you automatically speak all the things that are bothering you out into the open, and giving you a better advantage at  dealing with them.

This brings me to my next topic of discussion today, couples getting tested together, a lot of married couples or couples who have been together for a long time have never been tested, unless it’s that routine test performed by the clinic when you get pregnant.

Women or men assume well I’m not cheating on my partner so I don’t need to get tested and if they’re cheating on me they better be using protection. Then there are the old couples in their fifties or sixties and they certainly are not going to get tested for aids because they’ve come that far right? The truth is men in those age groups who cheat on their wives most of the time WILL NOT use a condom because it’s harder for them to get erections much less get an erection wearing a condom.

 Most marriages end for two major reasons, Financial Problems or Infidelity, so if those are the two main reasons why marriages end, it means that people are cheating. So then why aren’t couples getting routine checkups together? I don’t know how many of you are  into reality TV but I love it. I don’t know why seeing other people’s drama makes me feel better about my own issues, lol. Im currently addicted to “Love & Hip Hop” on VH1. There is a couple in the show that fascinates me; Stevie J, a Hip Hop producer, and his baby mother of 15 years Mimi. No they’re not married, but after 15 years they are pretty much a married couple in my eyes. Stevie J met a stripper named Joseline who he started producing and was sleeping with, after just four months of knowing each other. Joseline was pregnant for Stevie J and Mimi was furious because her man supposedly got another woman pregnant. The whole time I’m like “Yo, he could have given you AIDS though Mimi”. Mimi was mad and she even took him back after he brought Joseline to the abortion clinic. Wow was all I could say…

Black people make up 50% of persons being infected with HIV daily. That’s some scary stuff. Getting tested won’t prevent you from getting HIV, of course that has to do with you and your partner practicing safe sexual  practices, but getting tested means you know, and  knowing your status is just as important.

 

Thanks again for reading everyone. Remember, relationships take maintenance. Don’t just get into them, then forget about them, keep them alive. Talk to your partner.

xoxo Lauren

Hoping for a Negative Result: Getting Tested for HIV After a Relationship

I have this little tradition that I’ve been doing for years. Well to be correct, my whole sexual life. I used to joke around and say if I contracted the HIV virus, I would know exactly who gave it to me.

I became very interested in HIV/AIDS awareness and safe sex a long time ago. I definitely consider myself an advocate for safe sex, even though sometimes I’m extremely irresponsible. My mom has been a pharmacist my whole life and sometimes I volunteer at the hospital she works. By volunteering I mean helping my mom around the clinic. Sometimes it gets really busy and a second pair of hands makes a big difference. I haven’t been there to help out in a while though; I’ve been so busy being young wild and free.

Whenever I come out of a relationship or I’m about to go into another one, I go and get a full check up to know where I stand. It became that time again so on Tuesday morning I dragged myself to the Doctors office. I walked in hoping that it was a dead day so no one would hear me rolling on the ground if the results came back less than flattering. I was in luck. It was just the receptionist, who I knew very well, and an elderly man who I knew immediately after I said good morning and he didn’t respond, had a hearing problem. I sat in the chair, told the receptionist what business I came for, she took my information, I paid, and waited for the Doctor to call my name.

When My turn did come, I was instructed to sit down from a friendly faced skinny Indian doctor whose nationality I could not place because he had no accent at all. He explained to me that the procedure we were doing, which was the Rapi-Test, was 99.3% accurate. I thought what are the chances that my result would fall into the .7% inaccurate? He told me he could prick my finger or stick my arm; I opted for the less painful option but he suggested taking a little bit of blood from my arm since I had huge bulging veins. I later found out I have a high blood count, because my blood was thick and basically very dark red ( Black Blood Baby lol).  The first thing you need to know is I’m terrified of needles, don’t ask me to explain it. I have over a dozen piercings, a couple tattoos, and needles gimme the “Heebie Jeebies”.

I looked away while he tied an unused glove above my arm for pressure and took a small amount of blood from my evident blue veins (Did I mention that blue is one of my favorite colors). He dropped a couple drops into what looked like a pregnancy test and told me I could wait in the waiting room, the results would take 10 minutes.

I waited for 5 hours. When I did go back into the Doctors office the clock on the wall proved that I had only waited 8 minutes and for 2 minutes I sat in the chair talking to the doctor about nothing I can now remember. “One stroke means you’re negative, two strokes means you’re positive”. I exhaled as he told me I was HIV Negative. I was relived.

I think it’s normal for persons to worry when they go and get a check up, because you just never know. You might think you know your partner, but as I’ve proven every time a relationship ends, I really don’t know as much as I think I do.

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren

The Dancehall Scene and HIV

Mentally raise your hand if you’ve been affected by HIV/AIDS. If you’ve known someone who’s contracted the disease; someone close to you, a friend, family, or even someone you know of who might be HIV positive or have AIDS. The point is that we’ve all been affected by this disease. There are 34 million people living with HIV and 1.8 million people died of HIV/AIDS related deaths. But it’s not all bad news. Globally, HIV/AIDS numbers are decreasing. But does that make it any less of a threat?

This is where it gets tricky. Only half of the people infected with HIV/AIDS are getting treatment and some of those not getting treatment don’t know they have the virus. You’re probably wondering: “What does this have to do with Dancehall”? It has a lot to do with Dancehall. Now before I start, I don’t want anyone saying that other genres of music promote sex as well, we aren’t talking about other music genre’s: this is about Dancehall.

Dancehall music is laced with sex and why not? It’s sexy and sex will forever sell and yes, even though we have had no reported case of any of our Dancehall artist having HIV/AIDS, it’s never too late. The life most Dancehall artist sing about and actually live are sometimes very similar to each other.  “F*@% a Gyal Hard till she breed” or lyrics similar to this have been common in Dancehall. Many Dancehall artists father several children to multiple women, and this is acceptable. Not once is anyone thinking, “I could catch HIV”.

There is so much unprotected sex and unsafe sexual practices happening around us. It’s a miracle and blessing we don’t have more reported cases. To a lot of couples, safe sex is waiting until you’ve been sexual with a guy for more than two months and then they get rid of the condom. That is NOT safe sex. While some of us are guilty of this practice, getting tested every six months is a habit we should develop if we are sexually active, especially if we’ve been switching partners.

In the Dancehall fraternity there is a high prevalence of unprotected sex. In the past couple years, there has been too many pregnancy stories where the baby daddy is being guessed from a group of more than one man. Since the core of Caribbean sexuality is stemming from our music, and Dancehall is that prominent music source, then we have to try to lead by example. I’m not saying to stop singing about sex, but possibly minimize the glorification of multiple sex partners, especially where men are concerned.

HIV figures may be lessening but like a yard that you start ignoring, it only takes a matter of time before the grass gets high again and weeds take over the garden. Everyone needs to think of HIV/AIDS as a possibility, it could happen to anyone, any of us. In that same breath, a person with HIV/AIDS is not an outcast. You don’t get HIV from doing something wrong, or disgusting, or something unthinkable. You can get it from one of the most amazing, pleasurable activities known to mankind next to winning money: Sex! So if you know someone with HIV/AIDS don’t be, in any way, afraid to be a friend.

As we say in The Caribbean, One People.

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

Love Safe. Love Hard. Love Yahd.

The best reason to start an organization is to make meaning; to create a product or service to make the world a better place.” – Guy Kawasaki

The Beginning…When asked what led me to Love Yahd, I generally respond by saying the last three years of my life and the experiences they entailed. But when I really think about it, it actually started when I was relatively young. I’ve always had a passion for human rights and equality. Born in South Florida to a Jamaican father and an American mother, my experiences were varied. I was surrounded and immersed in Caribbean culture. The culture was so a part of my everyday life that I didn’t know my mom was not Jamaican until I was about ten. I’ve always been sure that I wanted to something internationally – that would help Caribbeans – and I was sure it would involve becoming a Defense or Immigration Attorney. Little did I know that my path would take a slightly different course.

The Mentor In 2010, I began working with Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, a remarkable Pediatrician who specializes in Adolescent Medicine – and someone who I am honored to call my mentor. Being around Dr. Wimberly allowed me to learn and understand the many facets of adolescents, young adults, and their health. Her passion for sexual health grew on me and I became more involved with HIV/AIDS and STI education. It has been one of the best and most fulfilling decisions that I’ve made. Realizing how much I enjoyed educating youth on sexual health topics, I decided to expand my efforts and volunteer at various organizations in Atlanta.

Realization…While I enjoyed volunteering, I noticed one thing: there were practically no HIV prevention and education programs that were geared towards Caribbean youth. There were programs for Latino and African-American populations, but none for Caribbeans. When I would ask if anyone knew of any organizations or programs that catered to Caribbeans, the response would almost always be the same: “No, not that specific.” You see, Caribbeans are almost always categorized as African-Americans when services are rendered. While many Caribbeans are of African ancestry like African-Americans, the culture and experiences of the two groups are very different and the information they receive are interpreted in different ways. So immediately, I knew something had to be done.

Love Yahd In early 2012, I began Love Yahd with the goal of providing education and prevention services to Caribbean adolescents and young adults in the Caribbean and the Diaspora. With culturally tailored programs and prevention services, I believe that we can reduce the number of new HIV infection rates among Caribbean youth. But Love Yahd isn’t all about HIV/AIDS and STI prevention. We also want to tackle other issues facing Caribbean youth such as domestic violence, sexual abuse, early initiation of sex, gender relations, and other issues that fall under the big umbrella that is sexual health. We have one goal: to eradicate HIV/AIDS among ALL Caribbean youth. Ambitious, yes. Impossible, no.

The Future…Love Yahd has been and continues to be an unbelievable journey and learning experience for me. We have lots of events and activities that are in the works for the coming months. In September, we will be holding our first Reasoning Session in collaboration with the Georgia State University Caribbean Student Association. We are also pleased to announce that the multi-talented, Jamaican sensation Lauren Dunn will be joining us and becoming a regular contributor to our blog.

The tremendous amount of encouragement and support I receive from family, friends, and even strangers is a reminder that the choice I made just a few months ago to officially make Love Yahd a nonprofit was the right one. I am excited to provide updates through this blog and our website on our latest developments, upcoming events and fundraising goals, while sharing our greatest success stories.

As always, THANK YOU for your support in these early stages and I hope you will join us in the work ahead.

Serena